I Started My Business for the Wrong Reason - Part 2

[Thanks for stopping by! To read Part One of this post, click here.]

Recap.

I started my business for the wrong reason. I have the great privilege of being able to stay at home with my son, which means my hubby was the only one working. I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to maintain the budget we made and started the sewing business as a way to "free" myself from the fear of not having enough.

What's wrong?

On the surface, earning extra money is not a bad motivation to start a business. In fact, I don't know of any businesses that weren't started in hopes of bringing in cash. 

What was wrong in my situation was where my heart was. And how this mindset affected the way I ran my business. 

Have you ever faced that sinking feeling when you realized your monthly expenses outweighed your monthly income? A lot of you know exactly what I'm talking about. That feeling has a purpose: it is meant to bring us to dependence on God. It is meant to open our eyes to the ways that he has already provided all our needs and that he will continue to do so in the future.

I don't think it was a mistake to start my business. In fact, I love doing it! I was wrong to think that I alone could be responsible for helping my family. I was wrong to think money was the answer to our struggles. I was definitely wrong to think my business would take off right away!

Let's continue my business story.

So what happened when I realized I made absolutely no profit last year?

I had to do some re-evaluating.

First, I decided to get organized and figure out where my business money was going! I spent some time reflecting on how I was running my business and made a plan for change. I bought some binders and took out the Sharpie pens mom got me for Christmas and put them to use! I made myself space to write down ideas, organize my patterns, write out measurements and materials for items I sell, file my important business documents, and organize receipts.

I realized that I spent a lot of money on buying materials because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to focus on. I decided to narrow my shop down to just a few items (bandana bibs, headbands, and zipper pouches). This really helped me to stay focused and only buy materials for these specific items.

But despite all of my organizing and planning, I was still left feeling discouraged. Since my purpose for starting the business was out of the fear of not having enough money, I was really focused on whether I was actually making money and I still had not earned a profit.

Blessing.

An older mentor in my life sat me down one evening and gave me the push I needed to keep going. He encouraged me to keep doing what I loved, because it was blessing others.

Blessing. Isn't this why I started sewing? Not only did I enjoy my creative outlet, but I really enjoyed making gifts for my friends and family. Sewing was a blessing to me. Sewing helped me to be a blessing to others.

I need to see my gift for sewing for what it is: a gift! Not something that pulls me back into the bondage of fear. I want to continue my business of sewing as a way to practice my gift, help others, and bring glory to God (who gave me such a fun gift).

I want to trust God with my business by not working out of fear, but out of a love for him, my family, and sewing itself! I want to be wise in how I invest in my business by not overspending. At the same time, I want to trust that he gave me these gifts and abilities and will help me be a blessing to my family and to others.

Sweet Freedom.

What areas of your life are you working out of the fear of not having enough? This is a struggle for me in so many areas! But now that I have been able to step back and see that my heart was in the wrong place, I feel much happier and more at peace when working at my business. I'm not caught up in the rat race. I can go at whatever pace I choose. My fellow Instagramers and Etsy sellers are not my competition, they're my inspiration!

I feel blessed to be able to keep doing what I love: helping my husband by working in the home, caring for my son, and working at my favorite hobby. I know that my hope is not in my success, but rather in God's faithful, everlasting love.

I Started My Business for the Wrong Reason, Part 1

I started my business for the wrong reason. We needed money, and I was afraid.

When I was pregnant, my husband and I decided that I would stay at home with my son rather than continuing to pursue a career as a teacher. This was something we both longed for, and something for which I am truly grateful. Being available to help my husband, to care for my son, and to manage our home does not hinder me from becoming the best version of myself. It is a gift that God has given me to humble me and to help me grow in my dependence on him. The joy that I receive from fulfilling his calling on me as a wife and mother is inexpressible.

It is also inexpressibly challenging. In more ways than one. But today, I'm talking finances.

My hard-working hubby works full time, but he is also going to school. This, combined with the fact that we live in Southern California, means that there isn't much wiggle room in our monthly budget (OK, none). I started dreaming up ways I could make money while still being able to stay home with my son and still being available for my family.

Since I had recently learned to sew, selling on Etsy seemed logical enough. I started up an Instagram, created an Etsy account, made several baby bandanas, took lots of pictures, and waited for the cash to flow. I was encouraged by a few initial sales, but I had no steady or predictable income (and in fact, still do not). This became increasingly draining and tiring as my hopes for the big sales were fading.

At the beginning of January, I set up an accounting system for my business and came to realize my profits for the past year was essentially zero. Really? Nothing? Ugh. 

If you're hoping for my Top 3 Ways to be Successful on Etsy tips, this isn't it.

I was deflated and weary, yet I still enjoyed sewing and knew that I should keep going. But things had to change.

...

Where am I in my business journey now? Stay tuned for next week's post for the rest of the story!

On Fear and Parenting

As if fear didn't have a big enough grip on me before becoming a mama, I've surely known it now.

Now, I am not pretending here that I am the only one who struggles with fear and anxiety. But sometimes it feels that way because my dear hubby definitely does not (at least not in the way that I do).

"Is the door locked?"

"Yes, I already checked"

"Could you check again?"

Before having my son, most of my fears had to do with our safety: earthquakes, fires, car accidents. After having my son, these fears increased exponentially (in addition to some new ones) as I tried to take on the role of protector and savior of his life. I felt like I was in control and it was somehow my own doing that kept him alive and well.

I think God knew I needed to be reminded that I was NOT in control when we found out about our son's food allergy to peanuts. We were given an Epipen and told to stay away from nuts, but that is much easier said than done. I became obsessed with internet "researching" aka reading about experiences of anaphylactic shock and lists of brands and companies that were deemed "unsafe" because of the risk of cross contamination with nuts.

I was trying to fake my way into being in control, when really I felt less and less in control the more that I read. Can anyone relate?

A beautiful study in the Psalms this Fall pointed me back to the Person who actually is in control.

We read verses such as,

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1-2)

and

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8)

We were taught that our fears actually reveal something important about us. They show us who and what we value the most. As parents, it's pretty much impossible not to value our children and fear for their lives. In fact, it is a really good thing to value our children and other loved ones.

The problem arises when we begin to value people and things above God. Because the reality is, the people and things in our lives are not really ours. Yes, we have the responsibility and privilege to care for and enjoy our children. But we do not actually have the control.

We live in this beautiful tension where God allows us to protect, but not be the Protector; to help, but not be the Helper; to teach, but not be the Teacher.

I can rest in the fact that God cares infinitely more about the ones whom I love more than I do. No matter what happens here on earth, I can still trust God with everyone and everything. He proved that to me by giving to us his only Son, who lived and died and lived again that we might have abundant life with him. His Son died so that my son might live. My son can live even if he dies.

And then, if God is my greatest treasure, I will never have anything to fear. He and only He is the only one who can never be taken away from me. This is from where my joy and rest can come! This is abundant life!

Is God using any particular situation in our life to help you see that you are not in control? Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear!

Un-afraid

We are in process.

Just like our favorite characters in books and in movies, we change, we grow, we adapt, we become.

I am in process. I am God's process. My life is just a small (yet important) story in the Greatest Story Ever, written by God himself.  The one in which God creates the universe by speaking it forth; in which the man and woman, created in his likeness, tell God their story isn't good enough and try to rewrite it themselves, resulting in sin and death and hundreds of years of wanderings and loneliness and questioning God's goodness; in which God himself enters into this Story and kills death through his own death and through his resurrection to life he authors the way for eternal life for all who would trust in God to forgive their wrongdoings; in which he then writes their names into his Book of Life (best. ending. ever.).

I sometimes wonder why God didn't write my story differently, or why he didn't give me a different character. I enviously look at my neighbor and try to tell God that my story is not good enough, that I deserve better.

Better? Do they have it better than I? Are they perfect while I am not? Do I lack any good thing?

No, not while I have Christ. 

And here I am, in this process, and so you are too. But what shall we become?

We are God's process, God's masterpiece.  We shall be perfect (Mat. 5:48). And since I have Jesus, I already am.

I am unafraid because that is who God says I am. Yes, I fear. Yes, I am anxious. I can create scenarios  in my head that result in death and loss because my heart clings to things that can be lost instead of treasuring Christ (who can never be lost).

I am unafraid because anything I could imagine to be fearful has already been defeated at the cross. If Christ is my everything, I have nothing to loose.

But I am not there yet. I chose a name for myself that I will grow into. 

And, who could help but play with the spelling when my favorite hobby is sewing?

My life is frayed, tangled, imperfect. But I am not. God entered into my little story and wrote my name into his Big Book and told me that because of Christ I am perfect. I am so thankful that God is writing my story, and that the end is good.

I am unafrayed!